Tuesday, 23 December 2014

Parenting 101: Teaching Children Good Behaviour through bribing them with Christmas

My intention was to blog a little more regularly but Christmas happened. And it's still Christmassing as we speak.  Life gets put on hold as we enter the Christmas frenzy. Work is something we do that prevents us from Christmassing but sustains the bank balance and allows the Christmas to happen. 

Gratuitous Christmas tree pic

Every spare minute we do not go to work, or parent, or sleep, we have our minds filled with Christmas.

My favourite Xmas card of the year (so far ) from The Blonde Bombshell 

We were lucky enough to escape last weekend to Geelong for a few hours. But it was for Christmas purposes. Sourcing Sonofagun No.1's Christmas present. However we were able to engage in some non- Christmas activities.
Like eating yummy Fish and Chips down at Corio Bay on the most beautiful sunny day you could smack your eyes on.

Soooo fattening but soooo damn good!

It's quite beautiful down there. 

Sonofagun No. 2 runs up the stairs to the tune of Eye of the Tiger...

Other peeps enjoying Geelong. In a Christmas way...

Whilst Geelong gave us a Xmas present fail for Sonofagun No. 1, we had a win for Sonofagun No. 2.  He wrote a letter to Santa and only asked for one thing.  A Zoomer Robot Puppy.  For those of you without 5 year olds who are taken in by every single toy ad on tv, a Zoomer Robot Puppy is apparently everything dreams are made of. They apparently become your best friend and do what you ask through voice commands. And as they were advertised to death, Santa could not find a single Zoomer Hound throughout the whole of Melbourne!

So whilst on a trek to Geelong, we pulled into the local Kmart. Now I'm probably delivering the news too late for many Melbourne Santas, but Geelong is teeming with Zoomer Puppies. The acne-riddled Kmart boy was lost for words as this Santa threw her arms up in the air and squealed with Amazona joy when he said, "Yeah of course. We've got heaps of them." I took a tentative impulsive step to smother him with grateful kisses, but then recoiled at the thought of these luscious Santa lips making contact with the erupting, volcano planet in a Kmart shirt.

He was also kind enough to double bag it in black plasticky stuff so the secret of Santa wasn't exposed to the family waiting outside in the car.

I shamelessly engage in a 'Big Brother is watching you' style of parenting.  It's often called upon for a variety of uses for Sonofagun No.2. 

"If you don't stop running around flashing your Penis, Santa won't bring you a present!"

"If you don't put your clothes on, I'll be late for work and Santa won't bring you a present."

"Santa doesn't bring presents to dirty little boys who won't shower!"

"Santa won't bring presents to little boys who eat their boogers!"

"If you don't finish eating your dinner, Santa will bring you a lump of coal!" 
Sonofagun No.2: "What's a lump of coal?"
Amazona: "It's a boring black rock."
Sonofagun No.2: "Cooool!"
Sonofagun No. 1: "Like a lump of poo."
Amazona: "No it's not cool. And it's not poo. It's boring. And it does nothing. And that means Santa won't bring your Zoomer Puppy."
Sonofagun No. 2: "Yes he will."
Amazona: "No he won't."
Sonofagun No.2: "Yes he will." etc

So a week ago, a little visitor arrived in the mail box.
This is Elf. With a photobombing penguin.

Elf on a Shelf.

Elf on a Shelf is an American thing. Invented by some clever mum (sorry Mericans: 'Mom') who may have needed a more tangible form of Big Brother spy for Santa.

Some think he's pretty creepy.  But he's also kind of cute.

He's generated a million memes on the Interwebs.

This is one of my favourites:

Elf can also be a bit rude.  I'm a saucy wench so rude stuff makes me laugh like a melon-bosomed barmaid after a keg of rum. Look away if you're a teensy bit offended:
This is pretty tame.
This isn't:
Yes, I think he's doing what you think he's doing....
But mostly Elf on a Shelf is there to watch all the little boys and girls, note their behaviour, and every night when they're sleeping fly back to the North Pole to tell Santa if they've been naughty or nice.
And in the morning when the kiddies wake, they're supposed to look around the house to find what Elf has been up to.
Now I'm not very original of thought. I'm sure I could be but who's got the time? So I copied some ideas off The Pinterest. 
Here's what our Elf, granted the name 'Rockin Style' by Sonofagun No.2, has been up to:


Fulfilling his dreams of becoming a superhero....

Inviting some friends around for M&M's and water...

And let me tell you fellow Parentals,  the child behaviour has been GOLD!  The Sonofagun who BELIEVES (as opposed to the teenage Sonofagun who thinks it's all a bit of a crock) has been eating all his victuals, marching himself off to perform his nightly ablutions, helping do small 5 year old capable chores AND no complaints about going to bed at night.
Am I a bad mother for convincing my child that a little rubber doll is spying on him for a far, distant, fat man who'll give him pressies in exchange for good behaviour?  When you put it like that, yes.  Quite possibly.  But every morning when he wakes, he leaps out of bed to go see what Elf is up to.
But I think the part of it that's actually so enjoyable is more about generating that magical Christmas feeling many of us felt when we were kids. Elf is a part of that.  Making this time of year FEEL MAGICAL compared to the rest of the year. Teaching our spawn about Santa Claus and Rudolf and seeing their excitement when they find pressies in their stockings, watching the Carols on Christmas Eve, enjoying The Eggnog, eating the fattening victuals, and spending time with family.

I've taken to some outdoor Christmassing:

The yellow rake became a multipurpose branch puller downer for a vertically challenged Amazona

And so now my mind once again turns to Christmassing. We are having a lovely, big lunch here on the day. Everyone brings something so I'm not slaving in the kitchen solo. Which is good because I am not an organised person and I would be totally shit at it.
So off I go. To conduct that level of cleaning only undertaken for Landlords conducting inspections and visiting Grandparentals. It's the visiting Grandparentals (the Mothership and Fatherdom) this time. They will be staying in Sonofagun No.1's room. Which means bleach, tyvek overalls and industrial gloves.....
PS.  There hasn't been much chance to work on my Little Girl's Crochet Cloche hats due to Christmassing but hopefully will be able to spend some time with hook and yarn and give an update when Christmas goes away....


The Red Haired Amazona


  1. Omg thats hilarious! Love your posts!

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