Monday, 29 December 2014

Christmassness, stuffing ourselves stupid and enjoying Marina Priors Botox

Yes folks, once again it's time for THAT AWKWARD MOMENT BETWEEN CHRISTMAS AND NEW YEARS!!!

You all know what I mean.  The decorations are still on the tree but that Christmassy feeling has quickly dissipated. You're still on holiday but the house is a mess after all that crazy Christmassing and you're too exhausted to do anything about it but feel like you should, so you randomly wander from room to room kind of picking up stuff but it still looks like the aftermath of a hurricane. The Christmas tree is still up and you want to take it down but THERE'S SOOOO MANY BLOODY GLASS BAUBLEY THINGS AND STRINGY CHAIN THINGS that the thought of unhanging, untangling and packing it all feels more exhausting than the actual doing of it?

I'm also in the middle of a yucky cough thingo. So I cough and cough. I drink the Cough Medicine and it makes me very sleepy. Blech. I want to schlep around and veg or sit on the couch, crochet and watch movies but I know the minute I do, I'll start to fall asleep. It's a catch 22!

So instead I'll have a fun little recap of our Christmas activities.

One of my family's favourite Pre- Christmas activities is to get together on Christmas Eve and watch Vision Australia's Carols by Candlelight at the Myer Music Bowl on TV.  We do it every year.  This year Christmas Eve was at my sisters house.

I think she and her hubby totally did not think we would REALLY be watching the Carols. They would have rather played Wii. As they remarked, "But it's the same thing EVERY YEAR!" 

Yes, we know. But that's part of the fun.

I think at this point I should clarify that part of the joy the Mothership, Fatherdom and I derive from Carols on Christmas Eve is from the fact they do wheel out the same Celebs every year and the Carols themselves.  Like comedian Tim Minchin says in his Christmas song 'Wine in the Sun', we quite like the songs. 

But the other part which I alluded to before is that IT IS THE SAME THING almost every year. And part of the entertainment in that, for us is we are Aussie. And we love to sit and sledge it. Mercilessly. But with good humour and love.

For example.  The Queen of the Carols is Ms Botox herself, Marina Prior. 

When hosts David and Lisa are about to introduce her we wonder out loud to ourselves: "Is she pregnant AGAIN this year?" And then when she majestically glides onto the stage with her everlasting porcelain skin and perpetually frozen, beautiful face we all gush at how wonderfully bee-stung her lips are, how eternally surprised are her wrinkle free eyes and remark at how beautifully smooth her 51 year old forehead is!  And then she sings her usual Angels We Have Heard On High.

I'm not religious. But like most Aussies, I enjoy Christmas for Christmas's sake. And like I said, I quite like the songs. So we love hearing Marina belt this one out every year. She's divine.

Equally we love old Denis. Good old Denis Walters. 

Dear Channel Nine.  Could you please Please PLEASE listen to most of Australia and especially my Dad, the Fatherdom: let Denis sing Oh Holy Night?  He does it better than anyone else!  We're not interested when you pair him up with a little C grade celebrity who won some singing competition. We want to hear Denis belt that tune out with his big gorgeous baritone.  The Google doesn't reveal any recent instances of Denis singing it, but we all would swear on a stack of TV Guides, we've heard him do it at least once. Sometime. Somewhere. And nobody does it like Denis. In fact let him host. We could listen to his juicy, rolling voice all night.

We sing along, we sledge, we had a 10 minute conversation simply about how Tim Campbell is on now and didn't he get married this year?
Oh yes, I hear he married Anthony Callea!

Mothership: What?!? He's gay?!?

Amazona & Sister: Yeah. I think he married Anthony Callea.

Mothership: Really? He doesn't look gay!

Amazona ponders: I wonder why they don't let Tim and Anthony sing together?

Everyone quickly googles on their phones....

Amazona: yep. He and Anthony married in NZ earlier this year.

Mothership: Well I never!

Amazona: Oh well, isn't he David Campbells cousin? Didn't David just call him cousin?
Mothership:  I thought it was Lisa's cousin.

Amazona: That doesn't make sense, he and David are both Campbells!

Amazona: Maybe he's a Prick Relation* though the mother's side, coz he isn't related to Jimmy Barnes!

Song finishes. Hosts Lisa Wilkins and David Campbell make a joke about how Tim Campbell is David Campbells cousin, then quickly clear up that Tim Campbell is actually Lisa's cousin. Isn't the Australian Entertainment industry a Nepotistic little kitten?

Mothership, Amazona, Amazona's sister all sigh, sit back in their chairs and collectively state things like "Well there you go! I thought so, Fancy that?" while the People with Penises roll their eyes and sip their Scotches and silently ponder on the mental cognitive processes of the Amazona women.

*For non- Aussies, a Prick Relation: someone related by marriage

The Happy Couple
And the aforementioned Lisa and David (no relation to Tim Campbell) Campbell:

Then Carols were over for another year, I drag my weary hoardes home so we can sleep and awake to the glory and the presents.....

Melbourne made sure Christmas Day was beautiful. Sunny, mild weather. 

I received some amazing pressies:
 The most gorgeous flocked Stag for my wall.

A super cute owl from Sonofagun No.2

Purchased from my favourite shop Creative House in Yarraville
 And the most gorgeous little fox. He might have to stay out all year long!

 A funky steampunk bird from Fatherdom.

And here's just a couple of the selection of pretty clip on birds from Sonofagun No. 1.

We set up to eat our Christmas Feast outside under a big Easy Up tent in the back yard with a bright colourful theme inspired by some Ikea fabric for the tablecloth....

And commenced the mother of all feasts...
Apologies for the blurry pic. I was being criticised for photographing EVERYTHING and not sitting down to enjoy the Christmassness!

Amazeballs Roast Taters thanks to Jamie Oliver....

Everyone had something yummy to enjoy.
There was present unwrapping on the lawn...

Including a very choice pressie from the Mothership:

Just a brief note here to say, I'm not really a massive Ryan Gosling fan. But I really love a good Ryan Gosling meme of the crochet kind, which has been noted by certain friends and family. I frequently may have posted these ones on my facie page:

And finally by late afternoon, let the Calorie fest begin!
The Mothership's Christmas Wreath Pavlova and Amazona's VERY drunken Trifle

Phew. This has been a long blog entry. Apologies.
So Christmas Day was fun and fatty. The Amazona was exhausted. The Sonofaguns were exhausted. And now we're in THAT AWKWARD STAGE BETWEEN XMAS AND NEW YEARS.
Do we clean? Bugger me if I feel like doing that!  I've just wasted several hours pounding this thing out, and now it's afternoon, it's raining outside and I must do something constructive so I feel like I haven't lost a whole day.
For those of you who picked up on my little mention at the top of Tim Minchin and his Australian Christmas song 'Wine in the Sun', I've taken the liberty of including the Youtube video here.  You may need flash player or something to play it. It's brilliant. I'm not sure if I'm allowed to post it on my blog, but I'm not making money from it, I don't claim credit for it, it's written and performed by a wonderfully talented, intelligent and funny man. And if someone wants to sue me, just ask me to remove it because I don't have any money to pay out a lawsuit. Unless I can pay you in Bird ornaments. I've got loads of those. But I'd rather you didn't because some of them were gifts and all of them are very special to me. Which money would be too if I had any. Which I don't.

The Red Haired Amazona 


  1. Love your blog, Lou. Always a good laugh and some educational info in there as well!! Love the way you write. Please keep it up!

  2. This is a spot on account of Christmas Eve/Carols/Christmas Day - comment from your mother.

  3. Wonderful that you have planned and had a very great Christmas party. Good to see so many wonderful pictures and yummy snacks on your table. You have organized everything so perfectly. Good job