Saturday, 24 January 2015

The World's Uncoolest Mother

I have a teenage son. If you've read a few of my posts, you'll know I refer to him as Sonofagun No.1.

I've tried through the years to instill in him all the important things every parent should teach their child.

Such as Star Wars.
Good music taste. As in My music taste.  The Red Hot Chilli Peppers, The Rolling Stones, Pearl Jam, The Foo Fighters, most classic 70s rock, maybe a bit of classical music etc. 
Japanese based cartoons like Pokemon.  Actually I tried to get both the Sonofaguns into old school Astroboy, but they prefer the newer stuff. And that's okay too. 
Doctor Who. Harry Potter. And LOADS of other stuff. You know, all the cool stuff. Because I like cool stuff. 

Now I don't have tickets on myself but I think I'm kind of cool. Don't we all? Us parentals never really age in our hearts and minds. At the birth of our children, we do not stop being who we are. We may mature a little. Some of us anyway. But I'm still fairly similar to the person I was in my 20s. I'm not perfect. I'm not always logical or rational. But I'm fairly easy going. I'm a happy, social person. I still like alot of the same things I liked when I was younger, like Lego and Star Wars, and Fleetwood Mac.  I think I'm cool in my own space.  

Apparently I'm wrong. Wrong on all levels. 

It turns out now I'm the most uncool person on the planet. I know this now for a fact because my 14 year old said so.

School starts in a week, so the Sonofaguns and I ventured forth the other day to buy school uniforms.
We made the pilgrimage to the local School Uniform shop.

I handed my list of required clothing to the young fella behind the counter, the kids tried on their clothes and I prepared to hand over HUNDREDS of dollars for these necessities. 

We have visited that particular shop many times over the last few years. The shop staff have all been there for years and are a young, helpful and friendly crew.  As I passed over my hard earned cash, the shop assistant noticed the tattoo on my forearm.

I have a tattoo. It's kind of Crochet Geek Cool.  It's a granny square. I designed it myself and found a clever local tattoo artist who was able to embed it in my skin with needles.  

Coz that's how I roll people.

The original Granny square...

And the final result when it was newly inked....

So he says, "Wow, is that real?"
Amazona: Yeah, it's real!
Shop boy: Wow man, that's way cool! 
Amazona: Thx babe, it's only 4 months old.
Shop boy: Hey you should check out Jay's tatts. Hey Jay! Come over here and check out this cool tatt!
Jay comes over: Whoa is that real?
Amazona: Sure is! Show us yours!
Jay shows off a pair of American style sailor boy and girl skulls on each forearm still scabbing: I just got them the other day!
Amazona: Man that's cool! 
Jay then shows the Amazona some more on his legs and Amazona is suitably complimentary and the usual tattoo conversation takes place: Where'd you get them done, are you getting any more etc

I hadn't noticed that Sonofagun No. 1 had walked to wait outside until the tattoo show-off fest was complete.

I finished the tattoo show- off fest, grabbed my purchases and walked out to where the Sonofaguns were waiting.
Amazona: Hey why'd you walk out?
Sonofagun No.1: Coz you guys were so embarrassing!
Amazona: What are you talking about?
Sonofagun: Talking about your tatts and stuff. Like you were all a bunch of little kids showing off your favourite toys! Man it was soooo embarrassing! I had to walk out. 
Amazona: What?!?
Sonofagun: I mean it's just not cool!

I let that go, but later at the dinner table I brought it up in conversation...

Amazona to BFF: So apparently I embarrassed {Sonofagun No. 1} today!
BFF: What happened?
Amazona relayed the story.
BFF: What's so uncool about that!?!
Amazona: I know, right?

Sonofagun No. 1 speaks up and the lecture from HE WHO KNOWS ALL ABOUT COOLNESS begins (All delivered in a vaguely bored but authoritative tone)

"I mean, you were all just like, showing off your tatts and acting like a bunch of little kids and you think you're cool but you don't know the first thing about cool. I mean you don't listen to new music, just that old rock n roll stuff which is like so OLD and you didn't even know who Macklemore was for Christ's sake!  You might have thought you were cool when you were young but that actually WASN"T cool. Or maybe you were but now you THINK you're cool but actually you're not. So stop trying! Because when people YOUR AGE try and act cool, it's just embarrassing. I mean that AC/DC old man rock music you listen to, I mean they're just a bunch of hacks!"

Amazona and BFF throw back their heads and laugh. 

Ahhh sweet youth. Now most parents would do the parental thing and snap back about being disrepectful and 'Don't you take that tone with me young man!'  but I'm an imperfect parent and found that whole thing extremely funny.

Amazona: I don't listen to AC/DC ALL the time! Hardly ever! 
Sonofagun No. 1: Pearl Jam, whatever.
Amazona: I will not have you speaking about Pearl Jam that way!
BFF: She listens to Triple J!
Sonofagun No.1: That's a radio station for old people.
BFF: We're going to the Foo Fighters concert next month!
Sonofagun No.1: I rest my case.
Amazona & BFF: What case?
Sonofagun No. 1 then pulls out the GrandDaddy of them all. He stands up in a 14 year old huff and declares:  

You wouldn't understand...

Picks up his empty plate and leaves the room full of pimply self-righteousness.

God I love teenage logic.


The Red Haired Amazona


  1. OMG.. that was FUNNY! Kids! They just don't know how cool us oldies are, do they? LOLOL!!!

  2. I know, right! He just cracks me up :)